XOXO means 'hugs and kisses', with each X standing for a kiss and each O for a hug, and it's usually placed at the end of a letter, card, email or text. Dictionary.com lists it as a variation of XO, and the catch most people miss is that nobody knows for certain why X means a kiss, while the O may have started out meaning a kiss too.
XOXO is everywhere: on birthday cards, under texts from your mum, at the end of a friend's voice-note transcript and stitched on cushions. It's warm and familiar, which is why it can feel odd in the wrong place. Here's what each letter means, the surprisingly fuzzy history, how much love different versions send, and who I'd never sign off to with it.
X for a kiss, O for a hug
Wiktionary sets it out simply: X or x means a kiss, and O or o means a hug. It lists XO, xoxoxo and plain XOXO as alternative forms, and xxx and ooo as related ones. So XOXO is two kisses and two hugs, and the more letters you add, the more affection you're sending.
Wiktionary suggests the O came about later, probably by analogy, the way X and O pair up in noughts and crosses. That's a handy memory trick if you can never remember which is which: X looks like puckered lips meeting, O looks like arms wrapped around someone.
The 1878 novel and the mystery of the X
Here's the history most explainers get wrong. Wikipedia says the earliest use of x or o for kisses identified by the Oxford English Dictionary is in Florence Montgomery's 1878 book Seaforth, which describes a letter ending with 'the inevitable row of kisses', written sometimes as crosses and sometimes as circles, depending on the young writer's taste. In other words, in that first example, both X and O meant kisses.
An older example often quoted online, a 1763 letter signed off with a row of x's, has since been reinterpreted. Wikipedia says it's now read as a row of blessings rather than kisses, perhaps evoking the sign of the cross.
As for why X means a kiss at all, Wikipedia cites a 2014 Washington Post article that drew on interviews with scholars and concluded there's no definitive answer, and that even less is known about how O came to mean a hug. The stories you'll read about medieval crosses kissed on documents are speculation, not settled fact.
How much love: XO, XOXO and xxx compared
| Sign-off | What it says | Who usually gets it |
|---|---|---|
| x | A single quick kiss | Friends, family, close colleagues in the UK |
| xx | A bit more affection | Close friends and family |
| XO | A hug and a kiss | Friends, partners, cards |
| XOXO | Hugs and kisses | Loved ones, cards, playful sign-offs |
| xoxoxo or xxx | Lots of love | Partners, kids, very close friends |
These are rough norms, not rules. Plenty of people in the UK sign off almost everything with a single x, while others save even that for family. If you're unsure, mirror what the other person sends.
Kisses as crosses: the speculation, labelled
You'll find plenty of confident origin stories online, so here's what they claim and how much weight they carry. Wikipedia says a Christian cross was sometimes drawn on documents in the Middle Ages, and the sign was certainly used in place of a signature by people who couldn't write. The idea that writers then kissed that cross to show sincerity is described as speculation.
Wikipedia also mentions a theory that the O has North American roots, linked to immigrants who preferred to sign forms with a circle instead of a cross. It's flagged as speculation found online, not an established fact. My take: enjoy the stories, but don't repeat them as history.
XOXO from a friend, a partner or your mum
The same four letters feel different depending on who's sending them. From a friend, XOXO is a cheerful 'love you, bye'. From a partner, it's affection, sometimes a little flirty. From a parent or grandparent, it's the digital version of a squeeze on the way out the door. Dictionary.com's example sentences show it on Valentine's cards and holiday greetings signed by public figures, which tells you how mainstream and wholesome it's become.
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These are made-up messages to show how it's used, not real chats:
- 'Have the best trip! XOXO' A friend waving you off.
- 'Miss you already xoxo' A partner after a weekend away.
- 'Dinner's in the fridge. XOXO Mum' A parent's note on the counter.
- 'Thanks for the gift, XO' A thank-you that's warm but brief.
Replying to XOXO in a text or DM
- If it's from someone close, send it back, or add a heart emoji. My guide to the most popular emojis shows which hearts people reach for most.
- If it's from someone you've just met and you're not sure how you feel, a friendly reply without the letters is fine. You don't owe anyone kisses.
- If it's from a colleague, it's probably habit. A normal reply works.
- If it's from a stranger online pushing for closeness, don't feel any pressure to match it.
If XOXO comes with a nickname, read it alongside pet names like pookie, because the pair tells you how affectionate the message is meant to be.
Business emails and XOXO: my rule
My advice for anyone running a business: don't sign client emails, invoices or proposals with XOXO. It's intimate by definition, and it can make a serious message look careless. With a long-standing client who signs off with an x first, a single x back is fine in the UK, where that's common. XOXO is a step further, so I'd keep it for people you'd hug in real life.
On a brand account aimed at friends and fans, an 'XOXO' sign-off on a newsletter or a Valentine's post can feel charming, as long as it suits your voice everywhere else. Where it doesn't belong is in anything about complaints, refunds or bad news, where it reads as flippant. And if you message clients across apps, my comparison of iMessage and WhatsApp helps you keep work and personal chats apart, so an XOXO meant for your sister never lands in a client thread.
Frequently asked questions
What does XOXO mean?
Hugs and kisses. Each X is a kiss and each O is a hug.
Is X a hug or a kiss?
X is a kiss and O is a hug, according to Wiktionary's entry for xoxo.
Where does XOXO come from?
Wikipedia says the earliest Oxford English Dictionary example is an 1878 novel, but nobody knows for certain why X came to mean a kiss.
Is XOXO flirty?
It can be from a partner, but from friends and family it's simply affectionate.
Should I put XOXO in a work email?
It's best left out of work emails. It's intimate, and it can make a serious message look careless.
