How to See Message Requests on Facebook and Messenger

If someone says they messaged you and you never saw it, there's a good chance it landed in message requests. It's a separate folder where Facebook puts messages from people you aren't connected with, and it's easy to miss. I've followed Facebook's Help Centre and Messenger Help Centre articles on message requests, and I'll note where menus vary by app version, because Messenger and Facebook have changed their layouts several times.

What a message request is on Facebook

According to the help pages, if someone you aren't connected with on Facebook sends you a message, you'll receive a message request. Messages from your Facebook friends go to your Chats list, whereas people who aren't your friends can only send message requests. Facebook adds that messages it thinks are spam are filtered out of your requests.

See message requests in the Messenger app

1. Open Messenger and tap your profile photo in the top left-hand corner.
2. Tap Message requests.

That's the route in Messenger's Help Centre for both iPhone and Android. Look at the sender's name and the first message before you decide what to do.

See message requests on Facebook on a computer

1. In the top right of Facebook, click Messenger.
2. Next to Chats, click Options at the top.
3. Click Message requests.
4. Click the name of the sender to open their request.

If you use the Messenger desktop app or the Messenger website instead, Messenger's article says to click your profile photo in the top left-hand corner and then click Message requests.

Accept, delete or block a Facebook message request

From a request you can choose between three things:

• Reply, which opens the conversation and connects you with the person.
• Delete, which removes the request.
• Block, which blocks the person.

For a group message request, you can choose Delete or Leave group. Facebook is clear on one point: if you delete a message request, you won't be able to see the message again. If you later want to message someone whose request you deleted, you can send them a message, and it will go to their message requests.

What happens when you reply to a message request

Facebook says accepting a request connects you with the person, and the conversation then appears in your Chats list with all your other conversations. There's a safety feature here too. Photos or videos sent in a request are hidden by a dark image, and tapping it shows a blurred version. The full photo or video only shows once you tap the blurred photo or reply to the request. You also can't open links sent in a request unless you reply to it or copy and paste the link into a new browser.

Facebook explains this as protection from seeing images or clicking links from people you may not want to connect with, such as possible spammers. My advice: if you don't recognise the sender and the message looks pushy, don't reply and don't paste any link. Delete or block instead. My guide to blocking someone on Facebook covers the wider steps.

Delete several message requests at once

Messenger's article gives steps for clearing a pile of requests on a phone: open Messenger, tap your profile photo, tap Message requests, tap Edit in the top right, then tap the requests you want to remove (or tap Select all in the top left), and tap Delete, then Delete again. The article also mentions Mark as Read as an alternative to deleting. Once you delete a request, remember it can't be viewed again.

Control who can message you on Messenger and Facebook

Messenger's article on controlling who can message you says you can choose to receive, or not receive, message requests from groups such as friends of your friends, people who have your phone number in their phone's contacts, friends using Messenger without Facebook, everyone else on Facebook and Messenger, and people replying to messaging ads.

1. Open Messenger and tap Menu, then Settings.
2. Tap Privacy and safety, then Message delivery.
3. Tap the group you want to control.
4. Choose to deliver their messages to your Chats list or to your message requests folder, or tap Don't receive requests to stop receiving their messages entirely.

Facebook warns that these settings aren't available in all countries, and that you'll see more delivery options once you've added your Facebook account to your Accounts Centre. The article also notes that some messages can go straight to your Chats list, such as ones from your Facebook friends and businesses or Pages you've already connected with. Anyone else you haven't chatted with before can only send you message requests.

Message requests and spam filtering

Facebook's page says messages likely to contain spam may be filtered, even when they come from people you've allowed to send you requests. The filter doesn't affect messages from your Facebook friends, but may apply to other messages you receive through Messenger. I couldn't find an official step-by-step for browsing a separate spam or hidden folder, so if you can't see a message you expect, check message requests first and then ask the sender to message you again.

Message requests for small business owners and Page admins

If customers find you through Facebook, many of their first messages may arrive as requests. Make a habit of checking the folder once a day, and reply promptly so a new enquiry isn't left sitting there. Replying connects you with them and moves the conversation into your Chats list. Be careful with links and attachments from people you don't know, and remember the rule about media being hidden until you reply. For a tidier inbox, my guide to deleting Facebook messages and some hidden Messenger features are worth a look.

If you can't see message requests on Facebook

• Update Messenger. Menu names move between versions, and the profile photo menu is where Messenger's article puts Message requests.
• Try the computer. Facebook's steps are Messenger, then Options next to Chats, then Message requests.
• Check your delivery settings. If you chose Don't receive requests for a group, their messages won't arrive at all.
• Remember the country note. Facebook says some of these settings aren't available in all countries.
• Ask the sender to try again if you've already deleted the request.

Frequently asked questions

Where are message requests on Facebook?

On a computer, click Messenger at the top right, click Options next to Chats, then click Message requests. In the Messenger app, tap your profile photo and then Message requests.

What happens if I delete a message request?

Facebook says you won't be able to see the message again. You can still message the person, and it will go to their message requests.

Why can't I see a photo someone sent in a request?

Facebook hides photos and videos sent in message requests behind a dark image until you tap the blurred photo or reply to the request.

Can I stop getting message requests?

In Messenger, go to Menu, Settings, Privacy and safety, Message delivery, choose a group and tap Don't receive requests. Facebook says these settings aren't available in all countries.

Does replying to a message request make us friends?

Facebook says replying connects you with the person who sent the request and moves the chat into your Chats list. It doesn't describe it as a friend request.