DM on Facebook means direct message: a private message sent to one person or a small group through Messenger, rather than a public post or comment. You can DM anyone on Facebook, but if you're not friends your message may go to their Message requests folder instead of their main Chats list.
When someone comments 'DM me' under a post or a group question, they're asking you to take the conversation private. On Facebook that always means Messenger, whether you open it in the Facebook app, the Messenger app or the Messenger icon on a computer.
The meaning is simple. Where your message ends up isn't, and that's the bit that decides whether anyone reads it.
DM, PM, inbox: the same thing
You'll see people write DM, PM (private message) or 'inbox me'. On Facebook they all point to the same place: a Messenger chat. Nobody else in the group or comment thread sees what you send there.
How to DM someone on Facebook
- Open the person's profile, or find their name in a group or comment.
- Tap or click Message on their profile. On a computer you can also click the Messenger icon in the top right and start a new message.
- Type your message and send it.
- If you're not friends, expect it to arrive as a message request rather than in their Chats list.
Facebook's help page puts it plainly: you can send messages to anyone on Facebook, but messages you send to people you aren't friends with may arrive in their Message requests folder. Your messages also won't reach anyone who has blocked you on Facebook chat or Messenger.
Chats list or message requests: who goes where
This is where most 'they never replied' stories start. Messenger's help centre lists who can send messages straight to your Chats list:
| Sender | Where their message lands |
|---|---|
| Your Facebook friends | Chats list |
| People on Facebook Dating | Chats list |
| Businesses or Pages you've already connected with, for example by messaging or commenting | Chats list |
| Anyone else you haven't chatted with before | Message requests only |
People in that last group can't call you either, unless you reply to their request. New group chat requests never go to your Chats list.
The catch: requests can quietly disappear
Here's the detail people miss. Messenger's help page says message requests that haven't been accepted or responded to in more than six months may be deleted automatically. If someone DM'd you about work and you never opened the request, it may simply be gone. If you want to keep a copy before that happens, you can download your message data.
Deleting a request is also final from your side. Messenger says that once you delete a message request, you won't be able to see the message again. You can still message that person later, but your message will go to their requests folder.
To check yours on a computer: click the Messenger icon in the top right of Facebook, click Options next to Chats, then Message requests. I've covered how to see message requests on Messenger on the app too.
What you can do with a message request
When you open a request, Messenger gives you three choices: reply with a message to start the conversation, block the sender, or delete the request. Replying moves the conversation into your normal chats. Blocking stops them reaching you. Deleting removes it, and you won't be able to see that message again.
Remember that people who land in requests can't call you either. If a supplier or client says they tried to ring you on Messenger and couldn't get through, check your requests and reply once. That's what opens the line.
How to control who can DM you
You can choose where messages from different groups of people go. In the Messenger app, tap your profile picture, then Preferences, Privacy and safety, and Message delivery. You can set each group to land in your Chats list, in message requests, or tap Don't receive requests to stop them entirely. The groups are:
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- Friends of your friends on Facebook.
- People with your phone number in their contacts, who don't need to be your Facebook friend to reach you.
- Friends using Messenger without Facebook.
- Everyone else on Facebook and Messenger.
- People replying to your messaging ads.
Messenger also filters messages it thinks are spam, even from people you've allowed. That filtering doesn't affect messages from your Facebook friends.
If your DM won't send
A block, a full request setting ('Don't receive requests') or a connection problem can all stop a message. If it's the app itself, my guide to why Messenger won't send your messages runs through the usual fixes.
My take
If you're DMing someone you don't know, assume they'll see a request, not a chat. Make the first line say who you are and why you're writing, because that's all they'll see before deciding to accept. And if you're the one receiving DMs for your business, check your requests folder every week, because anything you leave there for six months can vanish.
Frequently asked questions
What does DM stand for on Facebook?
DM stands for direct message: a private message sent through Messenger rather than a public post or comment.
Can I DM someone on Facebook if we're not friends?
Yes. Facebook says you can message anyone, but if you're not friends your message may land in their Message requests folder.
Why didn't they see my Facebook DM?
If you're not friends, it probably went to their message requests. It also won't reach them if they've blocked you.
Do Facebook message requests expire?
Messenger says requests that haven't been accepted or answered in more than six months may be deleted automatically.
How do I see message requests on Facebook?
On a computer, click the Messenger icon in the top right, click Options next to Chats, then Message requests.
What happens if I delete a message request?
You won't be able to see that message again. You can still message the person, but your message will go to their requests.
Can someone who isn't my friend call me on Messenger?
Not until you reply. Messenger says people who can only send you message requests can't call you unless you reply to their request.
Is a PM the same as a DM on Facebook?
Yes. PM (private message) and DM (direct message) both mean a private Messenger conversation.
