Bottom line: Confidence in a salary negotiation is not a personality trait, it is what you get from doing the homework before the conversation. Bring three numbers, one clear ask, and the discipline to stay quiet after you say it, and you will out-negotiate people who are naturally far more self-assured than you.
Worth reading next: How to Negotiate a Salary Offer (With the Exact Script I Give My Clien.
Confidence is manufactured, not felt
I have coached a lot of people through pay conversations over the years, and every single one of them said some version of “I just need to feel more confident before I ask.” That is the wrong order. You do not feel confident and then prepare. You prepare and then confidence shows up because you know something the other person does not expect you to know: the market rate, the internal pay band, the cost of replacing you, or all three.
I remember a woman I worked with, a marketing manager in Manchester, who had a job offer sitting in her inbox for six days because she was too nervous to reply. The offer was £52,000. She had ten years of experience and had been earning £47,000 in her old role, so on paper it looked like a decent jump. But she had not checked what the market paid for that job in that city at that level. We spent forty minutes pulling numbers from Glassdoor, LinkedIn Salary, and two recruiters she knew from previous roles. The real range for her level was £58,000 to £68,000. She replied with one paragraph asking for £64,000 based on the market data and her specific experience with paid media budgets over £2 million. She got £61,000 plus an extra week of annual leave. That is £9,000 a year, compounding every year after, from one email she almost never sent because she felt unprepared rather than being unprepared.
Do the research before you do anything else
Every negotiation stands on the same foundation: you need to know the number before you argue for the number. Guessing, or worse, anchoring to what you currently earn, is how people leave thousands of pounds or dollars on the table every single year. If you skip this step, everything else in this article is decoration.
Here is the minimum research I ask people to do before any conversation about pay, whether it is a new job offer or a raise:
- Check three separate sources for the role, level, and location: Glassdoor, LinkedIn Salary insights, and a specialist recruiter in your field who will usually tell you the real range if you ask directly.
- Look at the actual job advert if there is one. In the UK, since 2023 many listed roles are required or encouraged to show a range; in the US, states like Colorado, New York, and California require it by law. Use it.
- Ask two people in similar roles, even loosely, what the going rate looks like. Most people are more willing to share this than you think, especially outside their own company.
- Work out your own floor number: the amount below which you would walk away. Write it down. Do not keep it only in your head.
I go into this in far more detail, including exactly which filters to use on each site and how to adjust for company size, in my step by step guide to researching salary ranges before a negotiation. It is worth thirty minutes of your time before any pay conversation, full stop.
The uncomfortable bit nobody puts on a LinkedIn post
Here is the part most career advice glosses over. The person across the table negotiating your salary is not thinking about your mortgage, your childcare bill, or your student loan. They have a budget, a range, and a job to do, and that job is to bring you in for as little as possible while still closing the hire. That is not cruel, it is just the job. The mistake people make is treating a salary negotiation like a fairness conversation, when it is a business conversation between two parties with different goals.
This matters because it changes what you say. “I have three kids and a big mortgage” gets you sympathy, not money. “The market rate for this exact role in this city is £64,000 to £70,000, and I have direct experience managing budgets at this scale” gets you money. Companies build negotiation room into most offers precisely because most candidates accept the first number. Recruiters have told me directly, off the record, that a first offer typically sits 8 to 15 percent below the top of the approved band. If you accept that first number without a counter, you are quietly handing back money that was already budgeted for you. Nobody sends it back to you later. That is the uncomfortable truth: staying quiet does not make you look grateful, it just means the money stays with the company.
A simple step-by-step script for the actual conversation
Whether this is happening on a call, in person, or over email, the structure stays the same. Here is the sequence I use with clients:
- Say thank you and show enthusiasm first. “I’m really pleased about this offer and keen to make it work” costs you nothing and sets a collaborative tone rather than a combative one.
- State the market number, not your feelings. “Based on my research into similar roles at this level in [city/industry], the range I’m seeing is £X to £Y.”
- Anchor 10 to 20 percent above their number, not your dream number. If they offered £50,000 and your research says £58,000 to £65,000, ask for £62,000. Asking for £90,000 breaks credibility, asking for £51,000 wastes the conversation.
- Add one specific reason tied to value, not tenure. “I brought a similar campaign in 22 percent under budget last year” beats “I’ve been doing this for eight years.”
- Stop talking. Say the number and then stay quiet, even if the silence feels like it lasts a year. It usually lasts about seven seconds. Whoever fills the silence first usually loses ground.
- If they say no to the number, ask for something else. Extra holiday, a signing bonus, a three-month review with a defined raise attached, remote flexibility, or a title change that helps your next move.
That last point is the one people forget most. A salary negotiation is not just about the base figure. I have watched people fold entirely when a company says “we can’t move on salary” without ever asking about the four or five other things that also have real financial value.
New offer versus existing job: different playbooks
Negotiating a job offer and negotiating a raise in a role you already hold are not the same conversation, and treating them identically is a common mistake. When you are negotiating a new offer, you have the most power you will ever have with that company, because they have already decided you are their preferred candidate and rejecting you now costs them time and money. My full breakdown of how to negotiate a higher salary during a job offer covers exactly how to use that window, which usually lasts only a few days before it closes.
Asking for more money in a job you already have is a slower, more political process. You are not competing against an external candidate, you are competing against budget cycles, your manager’s own targets, and sometimes internal pay equity rules that cap what they can offer without a title change. If you are in that position rather than holding a fresh offer, read my guide on how to negotiate a raise when you already have a job, because the timing (tie it to your review cycle, not a random Tuesday) matters as much as the number itself.
Written negotiations need a different kind of confidence
Not every negotiation happens face to face, and honestly, a lot of people find email easier because it removes the pressure of live silence and lets you edit your words before they land. But email negotiations fail for a specific reason: people write too much, apologise too often, and bury the actual ask in the fourth paragraph. If you are doing this over email rather than on a call, keep the ask in the first two lines and the reasoning after it, not the other way round. I have laid out full scripts for this in my guide to negotiating salary over email professionally, including the exact subject lines that get read rather than ignored.
What to do when you get a flat no
Sometimes there is truly no more money, and you will know because the reasons given are specific rather than vague. “We have a fixed band for this level company-wide” is specific. “It’s just not in the budget right now” with no follow-up detail is often a soft no that has more room in it than they are admitting. If you get a specific, well-explained no, do not keep pushing the same number. Pivot to a defined path: ask for a written commitment to review your salary again in three or six months against clear targets, and get that in writing, ideally in the offer letter or an email, not just spoken.
One client of mine did exactly this with a UK tech company in 2019. The company held firm at £48,000 against her ask of £54,000, but agreed in writing to a formal review at four months tied to hitting specific onboarding targets. She hit the targets, and the review moved her to £53,000. It was not the number she wanted on day one, but it was £5,000 more than she would have had if she had simply accepted the flat no and waited quietly for the next annual review, which in that company only happened once a year in January.
Small habits that build the confidence itself
A few practical things that make the moment itself easier, beyond the research and the script:
- Practise saying the actual number out loud, alone, in the room you will be in for the call. Hearing your own voice say “£62,000” stops it feeling strange the first time you say it to another person.
- Never negotiate the same day you receive the offer, even if you are ready. “Thank you, I’ll review this and come back to you by Thursday” buys you calm and signals you take the decision seriously.
- Write your opening line down word for word and read it if you need to. Nobody has ever lost credibility by glancing at a note during a serious conversation about money.
- Decide your walk-away number before the call, not during it. Deciding under pressure, live, is how good negotiators lose their nerve.
None of this requires you to be naturally bold or comfortable with conflict. Some of the most effective negotiators I know describe themselves as quietly anxious about the whole thing right up until they open their mouth, and then the preparation does the talking for them. That is what confidence looks like in a salary negotiation: not fearlessness, just being the most prepared person in the room. If you want the specific tactics that tend to move a stubborn manager, my piece on negotiation tactics that work best when asking for a pay rise covers the exact phrasing that gets results rather than a polite no.
Frequently asked questions
How much more should I ask for than the original offer?
Aim for 10 to 20 percent above their initial number, based on your market research rather than a round figure you picked because it sounded nice. Asking for far more than the researched range damages your credibility, and asking for barely more than the offer wastes the negotiation entirely.
What if I don’t have another offer to use as competition?
You do not need a competing offer to negotiate well. Market data, specific achievements tied to money or results, and a clear, calmly stated number do the job on their own. Companies negotiate with internal candidates and single-offer candidates every day without a bidding war involved.
Should I tell them my current salary?
In many US states this question is now illegal for employers to ask, and in the UK you are never obliged to answer it. If asked, redirect to the market range for the new role rather than anchoring the conversation to what you earned in a different job with different responsibilities.
What is the biggest mistake people make when negotiating salary?
Accepting the first offer without a counter, because most companies build negotiation room into that first number specifically expecting a counter offer. Staying quiet does not read as gracious, it just means the extra budgeted money stays with the company instead of coming to you.
Useful references
Related reading: Virtual Assistant Employment: The Real Salary, Why Half Quit in Year One, and What Works and How to Answer Common Interview Questions With Confidence.
